Preparing Kids/Teens for Sports Tryouts and the Outcomes

With the spring season for youth sports and the school year getting close to wrapping up, kids and teens are getting ready for some impending changes in routine. In addition, for kids and teens who play sports, this time of year can mark not only the end of the season, but in some cases, the end of a specific team that they play on. For some, this is a normal occurrence, especially if the team roster or coaches change each season. For others, this may be a big change, particularly when a child or teen (and sometimes their parents also) feel strongly connected to the team as a big part of their sense of community and/or have an especially good relationship with their coach.

The end of the season also often marks the start of tryouts for the next season for kids and teens who currently play or wish to play on a more competitive soccer, baseball, or other sports team. Obviously different sports leagues approach tryouts somewhat differently. However, for kids and teens, and often their parents as well, it can be anxiety provoking and stressful. In some leagues, players have to tryout again each season or year so even if the player was good enough to be on a team last year it is not always guaranteed that they will make it this time.

When kids, teens, and their parents think about preparing for tryouts, understandably the primary focus is typically on the specific skills involved with the sport. However, the mental preparation for approaching the tryouts, waiting to hear back, and navigating the potential decision making around what to do next season based on how things go is not as often talked about.

MENTAL PREPARATION FOR TRYOUTS

Each child and teen may be slightly different in what they need. Some may do well with the pressure of a tryout. Others may do worse if they feel too stressed about it. Here are a few tips that can be individualized to your child or teen.

1) If your child/teen is feeling very stressed about tryouts: Think of the tryouts as a clinic where you get to do different drills and activities to work on improving your skills. In addition, while you are being evaluated in terms of your skill level, the evaluation goes both ways. Specifically, tryouts are a way for you to experience the league or potentially coach you may have and use the opportunity to form your own impression if you think this league/coach would be a good fit for you. Having the mindset of the tryout being a clinic and the evaluation going both ways can sometimes de-escalate the feeling of a sole focus on you and in turn reduce stress to some degree.

2) Remind your child or teen that chances are, the tryouts will not only evaluate specific skills, but how you do in certain situations. For example, if you make a mistake, can you shake it off and move on. How well do you do with working together as a team?

3) Taking a few breaths in and out slowly can be a discreet way of calming yourself down during tryouts if you get very anxious or stressed.

WAITING TO HEAR BACK

Once the tryouts are over, aside from possibly sending a thank you note if appropriate, there’s not really anything the child or teen or their parents can typically do that impacts the outcome. The lack of control can sometimes be stressful in of itself. One way of countering this is to identify the most common scenarios of what will occur and what options you would have. This way, rather than the stress of the general unknown (i.e., “am I going to make it or not?”), your child or teen (and you too if needed) can visualize the most likely possibilities of what will happen.

For example, if a ten-year-old boy currently plays on a recreational baseball team and he tries out for a select team (or teams), here are the common scenarios of what is likely to occur.

1. Make league X which was their first choice.
2. Make league Y which is their second choice.
3. Make both and choose league X.
4. Don’t make either league and remain in the current rec league
   1. Could potentially stay on current team if possible.
   2. Maybe there is an option to move up a level within the rec league for a more competitive experience.
5. Switch to a different rec league if beneficial.

Hence, by visually mapping out the likely scenarios of what will occur, this takes away some of the general sense of the unknown to potentially help your child/teen (and you) feel at least a tiny bit more in control of things.

COPING BASED ON HOW TRYOUTS PAN OUT

If your child/teen makes the team they want, or has multiple offers, it is probably an easier outcome to navigate. However, for kids/teens who don’t make their first choice league/team or any leagues that they tried out for, it can be quite disappointing.

In terms of coping, here are a few suggestions.

1. Help your child/teen identify the reasons that they are upset about not making a team. Some reasons may be obvious, but helping your child/teen to articulate in concrete terms the specific things that bother/worry them about it can help make it easier to figure out the best course of action going forward. Some common reasons often include:
   1. Wanting to play at a more competitive level.
   2. Keeping up with friends and playing at the same level as them.
   3. Embarrassment about not making the team and that being indicative about not being good at that sport (from the child/teen’s viewpoint).
   4. Worries about not making a team impacting a child/teen socially or being made fun of for not making a team.
   5. Embarrassment if made a team previously and then did not make it most recently.
   6. Worries about the long-term ability to do well in a sport if the child/teen has ambitions to play the sport in high school, college, or professionally.
2. To the extent possible, countering the reasons as feasible can sometimes mitigate the negative feelings to some degree. In addition, looking at using the experience to identify areas to improve in and setting up a specific plan or extra help to work on these areas can help a child or teen take a proactive approach toward moving forward and continuing to work toward their goals.
3. For some kids and teens, simply exploring with them what they want to get out of the sport long-term can sometimes reduce the disappointment a bit. For example, if a child or teen wants to play for fun and has no specific ambitions to play in high school or college, recognizing that playing on a higher level team does not directly impact their specific long-term goals with the sport can be helpful.
4. Remind kids/teens that in the moment, not making a team often feels like the worst thing in the world. However, once they can sit with it a while longer, it may not feel quite as bad.
5. In many cases, not making a team does not prohibit a child or teen from being able to play a specific sport. It just limits the specific leagues and teams that they can be on. Reminding kids/teens that in most cases not making a team (especially for those younger than high school age) may be a setback, but that they should still be able to play their sport for fun in a team environment.

Disappointment is tough at any age. For kids and teens, especially when making or not making a team feels like the most important thing at the moment, it can be very stressful and anxiety provoking. However, tryouts and making or not making a team are part of life and a good learning experience in navigating future endeavors such as college applications, job applications, and lots of other similar things that may or may not go someone’s way down the line. Above all, using the tryout experience to help your child or teen develop greater resiliency whether they get the outcome that they want or not, can be a good goal to strive for.

Wishing all of the kids and teens (and their parents) good luck with upcoming or recent tryouts.